Good Mourning to Life!
A friend of mine in her VLOG spoke about when she had her first child, she paused certain parts of her life, with the hope of returning to them when the child is of the right age. Eight years later, she has two kids and the life she thought she would return to does not exist anymore. In reality and even in her mind.
COVID-19 has come like a thief in the night and stole our year. It literally took from every single one of us. Some more than others. There is so much loss.
We have to mourn our lives. Not all of it, just the dead parts, the un-lived parts. If we don’t, they linger. Sometimes like a bad smell, enveloping us with regret. Sometimes like a dream, showing us an alternate reality that is but a mirage of paths and decisions not taken.
Mourning is not only a pathway to acceptance, but it also makes us fully aware of the present — where we are and what we have.
I had plans of adopting an Asian baby on my 30th birthday. And then a couple of years later getting married and having kids of my own. None of these happened. It is near impossible for a single black male to adopt a child (let alone one of a different race).
I had dreams of running an incubator in Ga-rankuwa (Tshwane) and getting paid to dream up creative ideas that turn into useful tools and businesses for the community and the world.
I have a graveyard of ideas, plans and dreams. Most might never happen. Some might materialise in the future; but it won’t be the same. I need to reflect and accept that.
I need to give them closure. I need to close those tabs in the browser that is my mind.
I have taken on new dreams and tasks along the way. Lost family and friends that i had planned to have around me for a long time. I need closure.
Closure is not the end. There is still life, but life in a different form. We want closure so that we can live with the acceptance that it is done, it has happened. And when we remember, we can recall with fondness what was. We can transport ourselves to those memories and be immersed not with regret but acceptance.
Although it might sound morbid, I always say that: The most important thing in life is Life itself. We are born to live and die.
Everything else in between is an experience.
